A Joyful Stepfamily Life

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Or: What you focus on, you will get more of…

This is the 10th article in the series “Beliefs of successful people”. If you have not read the first nine entries yet, I invite you to do as well. These beliefs are not necessarily the truth; I only invite you to try them on, and see what happens if you act as if they were true. You don’t have to believe in them!

I am not sure how about you, but in my life I have certainly had moments that I found that everything was going wrong. Sometimes it started of with something small, like a flat tire or a burst hosepipe in the garden, and the sequence of disaster would just grow and grow.

My mother used to say, that bad things always come in three, and that probably makes that my bad things normally do appear in three at a time… and not more!

What I only learned recently, is the real truth behind those words “What you focus on, you’ll get more of”. We all know the phenomenon, that if we want to buy a certain brand car, we suddenly see lots of the same cars; or when we are pregnant, or wanting to become pregnant, we suddenly see pregnant women and people with small baby’s everywhere.

The real truth behind it, however, goes far deeper than this.

I listened to a tele-seminar Bob Doyle (of wealthbeyondreason.com) conducted with Brad Yates, a well known EFT practitioner. I you have not heard of EFT yet, please go and check out the emofree.com website. It is a very powerful technique. Bob Doyle explained the Law of Attraction (because that is what it is; “What you focus on you will get more of”!; in a very simple way. The Universe does not try to figure out what we want, the Universe just delivers. And more often than not, we don’t even know what we “order”.

Some basics: Our mind does not recognize a “no” or “not”. If I think about the fact that I do NOT want to become ill, the mental image in my mind is an image of somebody (or me) being ill, whatever that means for me. So the Universe delivers illness, without hesitation.

If I decide that I have had enough of not coming by with my money, the picture in my mind is of a financial gap at the end of the month. Conclusion: The Universe delivers the financial gap I visualized.

In our relationships this is probably even more true. If we want to stop fighting, we create a mental image of fighting, and we literally ask for more. If we want to get across to our husband that we need more love and attention, we have a mental image of us on our own, and doing way too much for him, and what we attract is exactly that.

The first step to get out of this pattern, is to become AWARE of out thoughts. Just stop from time to time, and observe our own mind thinking and talking to ourselves. The only difference between sane and insane, is that we talk to ourselves without opening our mouth

So, just catch yourself from time to time, and observe what you think. Don’t judge yourself, everything you think is fine, just be aware of what you shout to the Universe…

Step two is starting to control your thoughts. Whenever you think a thought, which will attract that what you do NOT want, just swap it for another thought. If you talk badly about yourself to yourself, just invent something positive. If you say nasty things about other people, just search for anything nice to say about them to yourself. If everything goes wrong, be your own best friend. If a friend complains to you, you will not tell him that he is right, that it is all rotten and bad, will you? So, start by being your own best friend.

Step three is easy, well, maybe not… Gratitude. The Universe, and for that matter, human beings, really lighten up when you show gratitude.

My better half told me that he still remembered the one time that his (now ex-) wife showed him that she was happy that he had come home early. He normally stayed at work quite long, to postpone the moment of having to go home, because she normally welcomed him with an ear full. After they had marriage counseling, she really tried for a while, and that one afternoon, that he actually turned up reasonably early, is still a lively memory.

She did not say “Great you’re early, pity you were late yesterday”, or “Hurumph, what do you want that you’re home so early”, or “Sheesh, you’re early today. So after all, it IS possible?”.

Nope.

She just said: “Great that you’re home already!”

And that made the difference. He was really motivated to come home early after that afternoon.

So, after step 3 Gratitude, there’s only one more step: Communicate it! Whether is be to the Universe, your spouse, your children, boss, neighbor, or who ever: Tell them you are happy and grateful.

Whenever you encounter that what until now you would have called a problem, you will now focus on the little things which are still going well, and your mind will start wondering about possible solutions and ways to make it even better. No hard work, your subconscious mind will do most of the work for you. So that you can think of the good things yet to come!

PS: What the photo has to do with this? Sometimes it helps to have a look from a different angle. Imagine that you have been dealt bad cards, and looking from a different angle they are actually VERY nice

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